


Lymphoma and Love

by CBWriter24



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27000256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CBWriter24/pseuds/CBWriter24
Summary: A couple of weeks after the Hillcrest Party. Winston and Monty reconnect. Winston has cancer (but will live).
Relationships: Montgomery de la Cruz/Winston Williams
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Lymphoma and Love

My heart fluttered while I was in town. Winston—the boy from the Hillcrest party a couple of weeks ago—was at the end of the block. Regret panged through my body. I hated how I beat the shit out of him. He was fucking cute, and was the only person whoever gave me pleasure. I wanted nothing more than to accept his invitation to hang when Winston approached me while I left the Hillcrest party. But my temper got the best of me. The booze and steroids didn’t help either. And neither did the voice inside my head. The voice that made me feel ashamed because I was gay. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I might’ve fucked up when Winston asked me to hang, but I wouldn’t fuck up now. Apologizing to Winston was the right thing to do. So, I walked over to Winston. He still happened to be scrolling on his iPhone. 

I coughed, clearing the nervousness from my throat. “Hi, man.”

Winston cocked his head, then his jaw twitched. After that, he shoved his iPhone into his pocket. 

“Look, dude. I don’t wanna any trouble,” Winston said. “I mean, you have the advantage. Bryce told me he gave you the fake ID, which proves I cheated on the SAT. Just please don’t tell anyone. Getting a good SAT score is my only hope of Princeton accepting me. And I can give you money if you want.”

My gaze remained locked with Winston’s, then my stomach lurched. The pain radiating from Winston’s face was palpable. Like getting accepted to Princeton meant as much to Winston as sports did to me. 

I sighed. “I’m not gonna say anything.”

His mouth gaped. “Oh.”

Another lump lingered in my throat. I couldn’t believe I was gonna do this. I was gonna apologize to some twink. Apparently, some sayings were true. There really was a first time for everything. But I couldn’t help remembering how his mouth felt on my dick. I tried to fight the pleasure, yet I couldn’t. I loved every minute of that blowjob.

“I wanted to apologize for beating you up at the party,” I choked. “I know talk is cheap, but I’m genuinely sorry for my behavior. I have a lot of shit to sort out, and you didn’t deserve to have me take out my anger on you. Although you don’t have to forgive me—I’d understand if you hate me.”

Winston gave me a weak smile. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

My eyes lit up. “Really?”

Winston nodded. “Yeah. Everyone makes mistakes.”

Relief washed over me. I couldn’t believe Winston forgave me. Nobody was nice to me before. Not even Bryce. I was just Bryce’s fucking lapdog. Maybe, just maybe, I’d get a second chance with Winston.

I stepped closer, yet Winston didn’t flinch. And my pulse drummed in my ears. Not because I was mad. But because I was excited. I had a chance for a genuine human connection, and I didn’t wanna blow it.

I grinned. “Thanks. Means a lot.”

Winston’s cheeks flushed. “No worries.”

“Would you wanna hang?” I paused for a beat, sucking on my teeth. “I don’t have any plans for the rest of the day.”

“I can’t,” Winston stammered.

Fuck. Maybe Winston didn’t believe I was sorry. But that was okay. If something was gonna happen with Winston, I couldn’t force it. He needed to forgive me on his own terms.

“I really do forgive you,” Winston continued.

Phew. Maybe there was hope yet.

Winston averted his gaze. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Anything I can help with you?”

He shrugged. “Nobody can help me. But I appreciate your apology—in all my years of being bullied, nobody has ever apologized to me. So, thanks.”

I curled my fingers into a brief fist. I might not have known Winston, but the thought of someone harming him made me wanna scream or punch a wall. Winston looked like he couldn’t hurt a fly. 

“Would it be okay if we exchange phone numbers?” I asked. “I promise to say yes if you ask me to hang.”

“Sure,” Winston said.

We handed each other our iPhones, then put our numbers into them. After that, we returned the iPhones to each other. I scanned Winston over. He sported a tee-shirt, shorts, and pink Crocs. But it was the hat on his head that gave me pause. It was in the high 70s and I didn’t understand why someone would wear a hat when it was so hot out.

I gave Winston a look. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

“What are you getting at?” Winston asked.

I pointed to his head. “I’m not trying to mock you or anything, but it seems a little warm for a hat.”

“Just a fashion choice.”

“Cool,” I said.

“Anyway, I’ve gotta go,” Winston blurted.

Winston darted down the street without another word. My heart thumped louder and faster. I didn’t have any proof, but something was wrong with Winston. I just wished I knew what it was. I would’ve gladly helped him if he confided in me. 

***

I walked down a hallway after exiting the ER. My father roughed up my face a little, but it was nothing a couple of stitches couldn’t fix. When a nurse asked how I got the wound, I just mentioned football practice got a little rough.

I was more concerned with the person I just spotted, though. Winston was in a chair with a medical machine hooked up to his arm. And he was bald. 

So, I did the only thing I could. I pushed open the door, then shuffled towards Winston, who was in a brown, leather chair. Almost like a chair you’d sit at in the dentist’s office. Winston was also the only one in the room.

“What the hell is this?” I forced out. Tears pricked my eyes. I had a good idea about what Winston was dealing with. But maybe, just maybe, I was wrong. Winston couldn’t have what I suspected he had.

He lifted his gaze. “What are you doing here?”

I gripped at the sides of my flannel. “I had to get a couple of stiches. But that’s not important.”

Winston remained silent while maintaining eye contact with me. Although a couple of tears rolled down his face. Fuck. Was I really gonna have to ask Winston if he had cancer?

I bit my lip. “I’m not trying to pry…”

Winston sat up straighter. “I have cancer. More specifically, Lymphoma.”

Fuck. The one time I was right about something it was about Winston having cancer.

“When did this start?” I asked.

“A couple of days after the Hillcrest party. That’s why I went to the party—it was my last big blowout before starting chemo.”

“You knew you had cancer that night?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Winston replied.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

I scanned the room again. Winston was all alone, which was kind of weird. He should’ve had someone here with him. He didn’t deserve to be going through this alone.

I squeezed his shoulder. “Why are you by yourself? Shouldn’t your parents be here?”

“They’re in Europe—they don’t even know I’m sick.”

I continued rubbing Winston’s shoulder. “Fuck. I’m so sorry, man.”

“It’s okay. I’m used to being alone. That’s what happens when everyone thinks you’re a loser or a nerd. I could die tomorrow, and nobody would notice.”

Fuck. That was a dark comment. I hoped Winston didn’t have mental health problems like Hannah.

I stared him down. “I don’t think you’re a loser.”

Winston chuckled. “You just want me to blow you again.”

“Maybe…”

Winston began sobbing. “I wish I had someone, anyone. A hug is the one thing I want most.”

The machine was hooked up to his left arm, so that meant I could sit on his right side. And that’s what I did. 

“Would it be okay if I hugged you?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t wanna anyone to think you’re gay.”

“I don’t give a fuck.”

My comment was true. I didn’t care if someone thought I was gay because I hugged Winston. I wanted to give him some comfort, and that was exactly what I did. Winston even put his head on my chest. But I didn’t shove him off me. Instead, I continued holding him in my arms.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“It’s my pleasure.”

“Now you know why I was on edge when you apologized to me.”

“I’m sorry I commented about your hat…”

He let out a faint laugh. “It’s fine.”

“You’re gonna be okay, right?”

“Yeah, they caught it early. It’s only Stage 1.”

“Good,” I said.

***

I nudged Winston sometime later. He fell asleep, in addition to how the nurse unplugged the machine from his arm and said he was free to go. I even reassured the nurse I’d make sure Winston got home safely.

I playfully elbowed Winston again. “Winston!”

Winston yawned, opened his eyes, then stretched his arms. “What’s up?”

“You can go. Today’s chemo is over.”

Winston gave me a small grin. “Cool.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off his smile. It was fucking adorable. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him again someday. Winston just had such a pure, soft face. Like he was an angel.

Winston scratched his head. “I gotta call me an UBER. But thanks again for keeping me company.”

“The fuck you talking about? I’m taking you home.”

“You don’t have to do that. UBER is fine.”

I snorted. “You wish.”

Winston’s Adam’s apple throbbed. “You’d really give me a ride home?”

“Duh.”

“Thanks.” Winston squeezed my hand, yet I didn’t swat it away. I wanted this. The closeness from him touching me—even in a small way. The butterflies in my stomach from getting a second chance with Winston. The joy of getting to do something to help someone. “Most people wouldn’t care.”

“I’m not most people.”

“True.”

Winston stood, then I gave him a dirty look. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I asked.

“I need to walk in order to get out of here.”

“I’m not letting you walk.”

A pleading look returned to Winston’s face while he whimpered. “Please don’t make me use a wheelchair. I’ve been knocked down enough.”

“I’m not gonna wheel you out of here.”

“Then what?” Winton asked, smirking.

“I’m gonna carry you bridal style.”

“You can’t do that.”

I folded my arms. “Why not?”

“That’s silly. You don’t have to do that.”

I rolled. “Shush. Besides, we’re on the first floor.”

“Okay.”

I picked Winston up in one, swift motion. A smile even graced his lips. And I loved every second of it. His amusement was better than him dwelling on being sick.

***

I opened the front passenger seat door sometime later. I just pulled into Winston’s driveway a minute ago. Winston fell asleep again, but that was okay. He was fucking adorable when he slept. 

I leaned forward, then rubbed his shoulder. “We’re here.”

Winston chuckled. “Shit. I can’t believe I fell asleep again.”

“No big deal.”

Winston yawned. “Could you please carry me again?”

“Sure.”

Warmth pulsed throughout my entire body. I couldn’t help enjoying Winston wanting me to carry him. It was like he trust me. And that meant everything to me. I wanted Winston to know I meant him no harm.

“Here you go,” I said after placing Winston on his bed a couple of minutes later.

“Thanks.”

I continued standing in front of Winston. “And thank you for letting me you be there for you today.”

“No problem.”

“You’re a good guy, Winston.”

My lips quivered. “Uh…I was wondering…If you could stay for a little while. I’d love some company.”

I didn’t hesitate. “I’d love to.”

I had no problem keeping Winston company. My father was probably passed out drunk by now, so he wouldn’t even care about my absence. Besides, I wanted to spend time with Winston. Get to know him even. 

Winston patted the space next to him on the bed. “Join me. I promise I’m not contagious.”

I held back laughter—chuckling seemed to be in bad taste. “Good know.”

I hopped on the bed next to Winston. 

“What do you wanna do?” I asked.

“We could talk. Or watch a movie.”

“Sounds good,” I said.

Winston hugged me, then sobbed into my chest.

I stroked his hair. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“I’m so scared.”

“I thought you said it was Stage 1?” I asked.

Winston wailed louder into my chest. But that was okay. If he needed me to be his rock, then that was what I’d do. “But there’s a lot of side effects,” he said. 

“Shit.”

“Anyway, I can give you a hundred dollars to compensate you for your time.”

My heart ached for Winston. He couldn’t have suffered from such low self-esteem that he thought he to give me money to spend time with him. Then again, he mentioned past bullying. So, I doubted he had any real friends. And that was sad. Winston deserved the fucking world. 

“You don’t have to do that,” I said.

My stomach grumbled. Shit. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate. Must’ve been the apple I had for lunch.

“Can I at least order you a pizza for dinner,” Winston offered. “It’d make me feel good to do something for you.”

“Sure.”

***

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror at school the following morning before first period. A few tears even rolled down my face. I just had to let it out. The guy who I liked, maybe even love, had a tough road ahead of him. 

The door creaked open. I craned my neck. It was Justin. 

“The fuck you staring at?” I asked.

“Just wanted to wash my hands.” Justin walked over to the sink next to me, then turned the faucet on. “You okay, Monty?”  
My eyes widened. “Why the fuck would you ask that? You and your friends hate me even though you have no idea what my life is fucking life.”

“Hate is a strong word.”

“You were there that day at the Hobo Hotel, hiding nearby when I told Scott about my father’s abuse. But you did nothing, because you’re fucking cowards. You and Clay just wanna play God with people’s lives without giving a fuck who you hurt.”

Justin gave me a look. “Did your father do something?”

“It’s not about my fucking father. It’s about a boy.”

Justin squinted. “Huh?”

“I’m gay, and I’ve been struggling with my sexuality for years. All I wanted is for someone to accept me. Maybe even love me.”

Justin nibbled on the inside of his lip. “I had no idea.”

“Anyway, I just reconnected with this guy who I previously fucked it up with. Except he has cancer.” Tears dotted my eyes while I made fists. I didn’t care about being strong anymore. I just needed to purge my emotions. It wasn’t like Justin would judge me. Him and his friends weren’t the heroes of anything. “And I’m fucking scared.”

Justin furrowed his brow. “Is it terminal?”

“No. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges.”

Justin coughed into his right arm. “Then you’ve gotta tell this guy how you feel while you can. And you’ve gotta make him the priority. He’s gonna be feeling vulnerable, and you’re gonna need to be there for him.”

“Cool.”

“And for the record, nobody would care if you were gay. They just hate you because you’re an asshole.” Justin sighed. “But if you wanna do better, then I’m not gonna stand in your way. And I’m sure Clay and the others won’t either. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

I wiped my eyes. “Thanks.”

“What’s the guy’s name?”

“Winston.” 

Justin didn’t respond. Instead, he just laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

“What the fuck is so funny?” I asked.

“You two sound like you belong together. Winston and Monty are both unique names.”

“Shut the fuck up!” I exclaimed.

Justin shook his head. “Yeah. I know to quit while I’m ahead.”

***

I knocked on Winston’s bedroom door after school. “Your maid let met in the house. Anyway, can I come in?”

“Absolutely.” Winston closed his laptop, then placed it on the table by his bed.

I shuffled over to Winston’s bed.

Winston scrunched his eyebrows. “No need to be shy. You can sit on my bed.”

I joined Winston on his bed. Then, we just continued looking at each other. Except my heart might as well have been lodged in my throat. Every neuron in my body just couldn’t help being electrified by Winston.

Winston nudged me. “What’s up?”

“I like you a lot.”

“And I think you’re sexy as hell.”

“I wanna be here for you, Winston. Through the good, bad, and ugly.”

“Really?” Winston asked.

“Yeah. And If you’re okay with it, I’d like to take you out on a real date when you kick this motherfucker disease to the curb.”

His cheeks turned red. “I’d like that.”

“Cool.”

Winston choked up, then turned his body. He leaned towards the floor, throwing up. 

I massaged his back. “I’ve got you.”

Winston faced me again. “I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

“Please don’t apologize.”

Winston looked down at his shirt and shorts. He’d some vomit on it. 

Winston screamed. “Fuck. I bet you no longer think I’m that sexy guy who blew you at a party.”

“Don’t be silly.” I jumped off the bed. “Anyway, I’ll help you get cleaned up.”

I leaned in front of Winston. “Okay if I take your dirty shirt and shorts off, and then get you into new clothes?”

“I’m not wearing any underwear—this is my lounge outfit.”

“Oh…”

“But I trust you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine,” Winston said.

I removed Winston’s shirt and shorts, avoiding looking at his crotch. The sadness flowing from Winston’s face was tangible. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt to be so exhausted that he needed someone to dress him. 

So, I tossed his dirty clothes in the hamper before grabbing a fresh pair of shorts and shirt from his closet. I placed his shirt on first, then got on my knees pushed his shorts up to his waist in a matter of seconds. I once again didn’t even struggle with not staring at his crotch. Winston deserved unconditional support. And I wasn’t Bryce. I didn’t get pleasure from Winston being in a weakened state. I just genuinely wanted to help.

My gaze returned to his face. More specifically, Winston’s lips and chin. He had vomit on his lower lip and chin. So, I went to in the bathroom, which was attached to his bedroom. I returned to Winston with a wash cloth. Then, I wiped the vomit from his lower lip and chin. 

“Thank you,” he murmured.

I pushed his chin up. “You’re gonna beat cancer’s fucking ass? Do you understand me?”

Winston saluted me. “Yes, sir!”

“I take it you aren’t in the mood for dinner?”

“No. But there’s leftover pizza in the fridge from last night. Maybe you could reheat some for yourself and watch a movie together.”

“I’d like that.”

***

Winston turned his bedroom TV off a couple weeks later while we sat in his bed. Then, he shifted his attention to me after tossing the remote onto the end of his bed. “Thanks for doing this,” he said.

I sniggered. “You don’t have to thank me for anything.”

“It was cute you organized a movie marathon. You didn’t even mock me for liking Disney movies.”

I shrugged. “To each their own.”

“There’s something comforting with knowing how a movie is gonna end.”

“I get that.”

“Would it be okay if I fell asleep in your arms? I just wanna nap.”

I nodded. “Sure.”

Winston lay down on the bed, back to me. I wrapped my arms around him, snuggling him. It was moments like these that I loved most. It was possible to be intimate with someone without touching them in a sexual way. And I loved how Winston felt safe in my arms. Because that was what I wanted for him. To protect him at all costs.

***

Winston and I sat at a table in back of Monet’s several months later, enjoying hot chocolate. And I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I was on a date with a fucking boy. But I didn’t fucking care. Dad had a heart attack, and died a couple of weeks ago, and I couldn’t be happier. The most important thing was Winston was now cancer free.

Winston patted my hand. “I’m glad we’re doing this.”

“Me too, Winnie.”

Winston glared.

“You’ll get used to the nickname eventually,” I continued.

“Okay, boyfriend.”

I finished the rest of my hot chocolate. “Thank goodness Liberty is letting you transfer from Hillcrest. And it’s even better than you have so many credits from Hillcrest that you aren’t behind and will be able to graduate in June.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

I smirked. “And you better believe I’m gonna take you to prom.”

“I don’t know how to dance”

“You’ve got time to learn.”

The chattering of numerous voices echoed through Monet’s. No surprise. It was late Saturday morning.

Winston snorted. “Whatever.”

My pulse lowered. My life might’ve had a shitty beginning, but I was gonna be fine. With Winston, anything was possible. He taught me the value of love. And I was glad. My dad once mentioned love made people weak. But he was wrong. Love made you stronger. And love made you believe in something, anything besides yourself.


End file.
